Friday, December 22, 2006

Season Greetings!

I wanted to wish everyone a happy holiday. Unfortunately, the brain trust in my legal department thought that it may expose me to liability. They insisted that I run my holiday wishes past them for approval. The message I sent them was:

"Here is wishing everyone a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!"

The following is how my lawyer re-wrote my sentiment.

(Happy Holidays: Legally Speaking)

By continuing to read this greeting, you are accepting these terms.

"Please accept, with no obligation, express or implied, our best wishes for an environmentally-conscious, socially-responsible, low-stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the winter holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, or within the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or not practiced at all at the wish of the recipient, and a fiscally-successful, personally-fulfilling, and medically-uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally-accepted calendar year 2006, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make the US great (not to imply that the US is necessarily greater than any other country), and without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith, or choice of computer platform of the recipient."

"This greeting is subject to immediate withdrawal at the sole discretion of the sender. It is freely transferable provided the transferor makes no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the sender to actually implement any of the wishes for her/him or others, and is void where prohibited by law. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year, or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the sender."

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