In December 2004 I took a side-trip from my business trip to go to Stonehenge with a colleague. On the way back we found ourselves in Slough. At the risk of offending the residents, this is the most thoroughly horrible little town I have yet seen in the United Kingdom. It is horrible because it is dingy, cramped, and lacking any sort of character. That is to say any sort of character other than that of being monotonous and horrible!
The houses are all these horrid little pre-fab constructs from some time in the late fifties or early sixties. This, by the way, also appears to be the last time anybody bothered to work on the roads of Slough. Oh, and so as to not completely insult the residents, you may want to pronounce the name properly. It is Slough; as in the beginning of the word slouch, or the sound you might make if you drop a bowling ball on your foot.
The drab, gray monotony of the town was broken only by the occasional traffic light and by the one house that we saw decorated for Christmas. The house, otherwise identical to every other house in the tract, was garishly displaying a Christmas display to rival those of the tackiest homes in the states.
It boasted a complete nativity scene with the magi, holy family and assorted farm animals, frosty the snowman, sleigh and reindeer, and of course, multiple Santa Clauses. If you can put aside the confused theology for the moment (I was unaware that Frosty the Snowman was at the birth of Christ) the effect was really quite staggering.
Oh, did I mention that Slough, like most other towns I have visited here in the UK has practically no front yard space for the houses. The entire display was arrayed vertically across the face of the house.The visible means of support of the various characters made it look as if Santa was trying to hang himself (Themselves? There were two, after all!) It was almost as if Santa, realizing that he was in Slough decided that he could take it no longer and decided to shuffle off this mortal coil. His twin, the holy family, Frosty and several of the barnyard animals seem to have decided he was right and followed suit.
It was all such a tragic and senseless waste of human, elfish, snow-based and barnyard life. They were only a matter of a few hundred yards from the M4 Motorway and freedom from being in Slough. Tragic! Truly tragic! Oh! The humanity of it all!
I hope that wherever you are today, the holiday season has not left you with the desire to snuff it!
Don Bergquist - 19 December 2006 - Thames Ditton, Surrey, UK
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