Friday, May 11, 2007


The bad news is that (like many cyclists) I realize that riding a bicycle is likely to cause injury. It is inherent in the sport. The good news is that I needn't worry about falling off my bicycle any longer. Some wanker stole my bicycle yesterday!

What a complete and total tosser!

I had taken my lunchtime ride and stopped at the villa for lunch. As is customary, I locked the bicycle wheels and left it in the door well outside the kitchen door. I then went in, made myself lunch and checked my email.

When I left the house, the bicycle was gone. Whatever reprobate took it had to carry it away since it wouldn't roll! What a blackguard! Who would want to steal a bicycle they cannot ride?

I've reported the theft to the police and can report the theft and get my insurance to replace the bicycle, that isn't the point. The point is that some derelict has nicked my wheels! A colleague of mine (upon hearing of the theft) gave me the adage (meant to help me get over it): "What can you do? Your bike is gone."

"I'll tell you what I can do. I can seethe!" (I'm world class at seething!)

"You can't stay mad about this too long!" came another piece of advice.

"Watch me!" (I love a challenge!)

Are there really people out there so vile and rotten to the core that they would take something they cannot possibly use just for the thrill of the theft? Was it perhaps that they wanted to deprive me (or whoever - I am under no delusion that this tosser was targeting me personally) of my possessions? What an Asshole!

Message to the person who stole my bicycle: I hope it brings you joy. You obviously are so low as to need some (any) entertainment. But don't worry, like a spermatozoa, you too have a one-in-a-million chance of one day becoming an intelligent life form! You are beneath my contempt!

Message to everyone else out there: I hope that wherever you are today, you have a good (read that: "Crime Free") day!

Don Bergquist - 11 May 2007 - Thames Ditton, Surrey, United Kingdom

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