Gastronomic Goofs

I have long said that if there is, in fact, an after-life and I meet my mother there I am so dead. Were I not deceased already she'd kill me. This is why I never thought this moment would come. How could I have predicted it? I guess I owe my mother an apology. So here goes: Mom, I'm sorry. I should have never cast aspersions on your cooking.

It seems that an abomination of the annual Thanksgiving feast at the Bergquist household was not an invention of Mother's imagination. Before I go further in my daily diatribe, let me explain to my readers what I am talking about. Mother used to make the best Thanksgiving dinners. They were truly feasts. There was, of course, the turkey with sausage stuffing. She did the turkey in a greased brown paper grocery bag. I still do this... it is the best was I have ever found to assure that the turkey turns out juicy and tasty. There was a relish tray with olives, pickles, and deviled eggs. She also served sweet potatoes - all the fixings.

With all this good stuff on the table, there was one thing that we all looked askance at hoping each year that it would be the last for the annual offering. But like the swallows to Capistrano, the Glorified Rice always found its way back to the table.

Being a good ten months until Thanksgiving you way wonder what brings this to mind. Well, even if you aren't I am planning on telling you. The other night my housemates and I were talking about comfort foods and what our mothers made for us when we were young. When I admitted that they only things that sprang to mind that I liked that mom made where Potato Chip Hot Dish, Corned Beef and Cabbage, and Thanksgiving dinner, we got onto the subject of Turkey Day. That lead us to what dishes were traditional in our families which led directly to Glorified Rice.

Here's the reason I owe mom an apology: when I said Glorified Rice (suppressing as best as possible a shudder of revulsion) one of my house mates said Oh, yum! I love Glorified Rice. Incredulous to the last I asked if she was sure that she had heard me correctly. But, yes... she had! This is the first time I have ever met anyone who knew what this dish was (outside my family) and the first time (bar-none) that I had met anyone that actually professed to like it!

I then discovered the horrible truth: Mom was taking shortcuts. I guess it was to be expected and understood. Mom was not a willing or enthusiastic cook. She could certainly do so, but she did not enjoy it at all.

Now a note to my family: Guys, this stuff doesn't sounds half bad! First off, it is not made with Minute Rice or Kool whip! From the description I got the other evening, it is a sort of a rice pudding. It should be steamed with the whipping cream and then have the pineapple folded into it and chilled. The recipe that I was given was nothing but long grain rice, cream, sugar, pineapple and a few maraschino cherries added to the mixture for color at the last minute.

To everyone else: Mom's recipe called for making Minute Rice without the salt and then mixing it with flaked coconut, fruit cocktail, walnuts, miniature marshmallows and Kool Whip. I think that I might like the other recipe. This one, no thanks! Dopey me! All this time, I had more-or-less assumed that Mom had made-up the recipe to torture us at Thanksgiving Dinner. Now I see that it was one that she was just taking short cuts on.

I hope wherever you are today, your day is filled with pleasant memories!

Don Bergquist - 09-February-2006 - Thames Ditton, Surrey, United Kingdom