House Names

There is an old game that has been circulating as an email that told you of a way to generate a porn star name for yourself. (Although, some versions say it is the name you should use should you ever become a stripper.) The process is quite simple, you take the name of your pet when you were a child and append the name of your elementary school. (Again, there are versions of this that suggest using the street name that you grew-up on instead.)

Given this formula, I would be either Schatzie Village Green Elementary or Schatzie Southwest 122nd Avenue. Pretty damn sexy, eh! Nothing quite says exotic mystery like "Village Green Elementary!"

I am reminded of this game because I've absolutely been smitten by the way addresses work over here. Unlike the states where huge swaths of the city are all lumped into a huge zip code, over here, the postal code may include one or two buildings. The pub next-door to the office, for example, has a different postal code than the office and that has a different postal code than the pub two the other side of the road. So, when you get into a car service over here, most of them have GPS navigation and if they are unfamiliar with your destination, they ask the postal code. When they arrive at the postal code, you'll be able to see your destination.

Another cool thing is that most (if not all) of the residences here have house names. When you fill in a form here, you're asked for a house number and name. It’s not like back in the states where there is a street number and name, and perhaps an apartment, office, suite or unit number. So here you may live in the Ditton House, or the River Chase Villa, the Walton Cottage, or the Thames Manor.

My favorite house names from my neighbor hood would include “Little House;” which I presume to be a family name as it is no smaller than any of its neighbors. Then there is “Two Trees.” This one attracts me for its sheer anachronistic nature. It is obvious that the house was named for the two trees that had been planted in its front garden. Unfortunately, one of the trees has apparently died in the meantime and all that is left of it is a stump. I guess that to be truthful they should change the name of the house to tree-stump house but who am I to dictate?

At the end of the public footpath to the train station, at the corner of St. Leonard’s Road and Ferry Road (an interesting name as it is not near the river, nor does it lead to the river so far as I can tell) is a lovely Victorian which surprisingly has no name. The more modern (Edwardian) home across the street is called The Dormers for reasons apparent. (It has dormers that rise periodically from its roofline.)

The houses all bear their names on plaques either on the gate posts at the end of their drives or around the entry to the house. It is such an interesting touch, I love it!
I believe that if I ever get the chance to name a home I would have to pick something that speaks to my chaotic nature. It would be great if I could win the lottery and buy the house over in Teddington that I have seen that I love. (It’s near the Train station and not too far from the pub!) Perhaps “Imbroglio” would be apropos.

I’d have to adjust the game to use my house name and the road it’s on… Imbroglio Park would be a great name for me when I start that career as a porn star. Well, it is something to think about! Schatzie Southwest 122nd Avenue is certainly not going to draw much of a crowd to my films, now would it?

I hope that wherever you are today you have a great day!

Don Bergquist - 11 July 2006 - Thames Ditton, Surrey, UK