DISCLAIMER: The following entry in my blog is a fantasy. No actual violence as described took place, is condoned, or will be rewarded.
All it would take is a pillow over his face! I am sure that no jury in the world would convict me!
It is the middle of the night and I cannot sleep. Oh, it's not just the regular can't sleep because I am on a plane, thing! This can't sleep is far worse. The tosser in front of me has been banging against my knees since we left Minneapolis. The yelp of pain the first time he slammed against me was not enough to tell him that he had put his seat back as far as it could go without doing me damage.
He waited until I was out of my seat (an operation that involved wrenching myself sideways and then leaning back as I stood-up) and then he fully reclined his seat. I got back and could only return to my seat by forcibly jamming my knees into the center of the back of his chair. Look at him! Sleeping! It is fitful, to be sure... He has been tossing and turning all night. Could be that he has leaned back so far that the knees pressed into the back of his chair can actually be felt.
He is so close that the revolting reek rising off him is either the world's worst cologne (or far too much cheap cologne) or something has died and they've yet to locate it. But I am being to harsh, perhaps he is reclining because he just wants to be closer to me! Perhaps this is his way of making friends.
Perhaps I should show him the patented plastic bag over the breathing orifices way I have of getting closer to all my best friends. Perhaps it would be easier to write on my PDA if I were to first roll-up the World Traveler magazine and hit him over the head with it. Oh well, there are only three hours left to this flight.
I hope wherever you are at the moment you have lots of room to spread-out and relax!
Don Bergquist - 11th May 2006 - Somewhere over the North Atlantic