Sunday, March 20, 2011

Travelogue Toronto – Day 0.5: Getting There (Part II)

Whew! What a trip. The plane is TINY! Sixty-six seats; seating room for fifty. Have I mentioned that the excitement of travel has long since worn off?

No. That's not exactly accurate. I love travel. Hate traveling. More specifically, I hate traveling by air. To be even more specific, I hate traveling by coach. The times I have flown by first class (or international business class) were pleasant enough to be only a minor inconvenience, but flying packed-in like cattle on the way to slaughter is a pain.

My itinerary says that I am in Toronto. The truth is that the plane took off about an hour ago. I am less than a third of the way there. I was supposed to be at the hotel by eleven, it will be a miracle if I am in the airport by one!

Oh well, at least I don't have to endure the self-congratulatory orgy that would have taken place had the wench who hung off the gate agents' desk had gotten her family on the plane. The last I heard, she had been told that there were not going to be seats. She was arguing with her father (?) that she wanted to spend the night in the airport. (Great – tomorrow she will be obnoxious and un-bathed! Cool!)

I am sitting behind the cutest little girl. "Amber" (I only know her name because I have heard it a dozen time…) is sitting across the aisle from her dad. Her siblings (?) are sitting in the row behind me. They could not sit in my row as they are minors and there are rules against minors sitting in the exit row.

That has not kept them from yelling the intervening three feet between her row and theirs. How charming! I think it is time that I retire into my iPod, turn the music up and drown-out the inane stream of "Hi! Amber! We're on a big plane, Amber. Amber, how are you doing? Amber, are you having fun?" With a slightly less inane stream of Alan Parsons, Lightening Seeds, and Scissor Sisters.

Wherever you are headed this evening, I hope your travels are swift and annoyance-free!

Don Bergquist – March 20, 2011 – United Airlines Flight 7408, Somewhere over Nebraska, USA

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