Late Night, Again!

- Or -
Just Count The Fish!

Why is it that no matter how many things I see that are completely insipid, there always seems to be more! Grrr!

Last night, after returning late from my wending about a tour of some of the pubs I don't get to visit all that often, I watched the end of a movie with one of my colleagues who was still up and checking email online.

After the show had ended, and Mark had finished getting his email fix, we were finishing a round of beers when this god-awful show came on. It was so horrible that one could not help but watch. It was hypnotically bad!

I have no idea what the show was called… (Cash Call or something…) but it consisted entirely of a head shot of a young woman (admittedly a nice looking young woman) on the right of the screen and a text box with a riddle on the left side of the screen. She kept pointing at the box with her eyes and her nose saying "It's all in the box, just count the fish." And urging the audience to call in with the answer.

The problem was that the riddle was so amazingly vague that the answer could have been anything from "1" to "Millions" to "Blue!" There was no way of knowing what the producers of the show wanted you to say. All the while, we kept wondering why there weren't more people calling in. it was just the woman, the box, and "It's all in the box, just count the fish."

After we'd watched this for about five minutes, and were certain that they couldn't prolong this very much longer, our other housemate came in from his evening and explained the thing to us. They only let about 1% of the people who call in actually guess (he demonstrated this by calling the number on the screen - at a cost of 75p - and letting us listen to the computer voice telling us "Sorry, not this time. Try again later!")

Having been up for the past couple nights later than is usual for me, I must have dozed off… (Or perhaps it was the hypnotic eyes and the droning of "It's all in the box, just count the fish.") I awoke about a half-hour later; this damn show had been on for at nearly an hour. I went to bed.

Before seeing the guys this morning, I had assumed that I had dreamt the whole thing, but when I saw Mark, he told me that they watched for a while longer and never discovered how many fish were we were supposed to be counting! It wasn't a dream! It really was Television aimed at the drunk and/or stoned! What will they think of next?

I hope that wherever you are today, you'll find something nice to watch on the tube (or at least that you'll turn it off and do something else if there is nothing on).

Don Bergquist - 29 April 2007 - Thames Ditton, Surrey, UK